Nothing Going Wrong, Please Stand By

I like to describe myself as a humor writer. Someone who looks at the chaos of life around me and finds the funny in it. But, there is something about life in Covid lockdown that suggests I am actually a disaster-seeking opportunist. You be the judge.

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Much of what I write about is what is currently going wrong in my life. But now that I am primarily stuck at home–for months on end, watching Netflix until my eyes cross–I’m discovering exactly how boring my writing is without the chaos of things going horribly wrong to report to you. I am worried; does this mean I have I become a danger junkie? Where will this predilection lead? How will I court my next life-on-the-edge-of-the-seat-of-my-pants fix?

Will I start buying butter by the gross and build an igloo in the front yard?

Do I need to take up an exciting hobby like knife throwing? Or perhaps dueling with statuary at forty paces?

(I’m not sure whether the combatants in the preceding conflict will be throwing garden gnomes at each other or possibly reenacting large scale battle replicas with a thousand eerie statues that look like the Weeping Angels from Dr. Who!)

Terrifying to behold–and yet, you cannot look away! (Inside Joke. Shout out to all my Dr. Who peeps!)

Maybe I will I finally set up a profile on Hot-Flash-Moms.com and get a 1-900 number to promote myself as a Mominatrix–offering to “spank” people via Zoom for failing to call their mothers or send flowers on the appropriate holidays–in exchange for Bitcoin?

Actually, this idea is more for the moms out there than the prospective “Big Boys in Need of Discipline.” Your mother hires me to call and harass you until you become a better, more responsive son. And if my brothers read my blog, yes, this is directed at you for not calling mom more or remembering her on Mother’s Day or her birthday. You asshats! But even I draw the line at being a Mominatrix for my own brothers. *SHUDDER!!*

Where was I? Oh yes, finding the disaster sweet spot.

It seems I need to find a way to indulge my love of near constant chaos without endangering my life or that of my child…preferably without burning my house down in the process. How could I possibly manage that while not leaving my home?

Oh look…

GISH

A VIRTUAL ADVENTURE OF CREATIVITY, WEIRDNESS, KINDNESS AND FUN THAT YOU CAN PLAY FROM YOUR OWN HOME!

MARCH 6-7, 2021

REGISTRATION IS NOW OPEN

Just what The Doctor ordered! A fun, wacky adventure spent creating unbelievably crazy projects and doing good in a very unconventional way. Happy birthday to me!

Go to http://www.Gish.com and follow the directions…straight down the rabbit hole and into the land of wacky, weird, and wonderful!

Do come!

Join me, if you dare!

16 thoughts on “Nothing Going Wrong, Please Stand By

  1. I hit “Like” on this, but I know I will come to regret encouraging this sort of thing with you. The deliberate seeking-out of candy-related and shopping-impaired adventures you embark upon during GISH make me cringe…but I know it gives you joy. Go forth, be silly (and happy).

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Just showing even the slightest amount of interest in anything I do is likely to be interpreted as violently enthusiastic approval and support of those activities! My rose-colored-glasses are high intensity, technicolor 3-D and work from thousands of miles away. Thank you for taking notice!

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I’ve been thinking about GISH this year, so thanks for the link! Also for the nightmare ep of Dr. Who. I had just stopped waking up screaming, and am going to hell for smashing all my angel statues to rubble. But you do you. (heh)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. If you want to be on my team, let me know. I’ll have to get team approval, but I’ll go out on a limb for a friend. (Virtual limb. I am somewhat acrophobic. No actual climbing allowed!)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s great when people show any interest in trying something new. It’s just like a car showroom, come on in! There’s no commitment to buy. Now slide on in to this baby right here. Smell that? It’s real corinthian leather–god approves of this slaughtered calf. (Yeah, I’m definitely going to hell for that joke.) Let’s take her for a test ride, what harm could it do…

        I promise, you won’t end up buying a pig in a poke if you just plan to look! 😘

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey! I think I’m funny too. I only occasionally run into people who disagree. I’m pretty sure they are wrong though. Or just wayyyy too serious to take seriously on the subject of humor. (Did that makes sense? Does it appear as though I’ve eaten half of a family-sized bag of chocolate M&M’s? Could be!)

      Feel free to agree with me any time!

      Like

  3. Being at home it’s not easy to make those disasters… been home for a year now, but working from home keep me busy… add to that that we have had to sell my mother’s house and my stepmother’s apartment we now have a house filled with their stuff I think cleaning everything out is going to be a priority (not disasters please)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I highly recommend a yard sale–put 25 cent stickers on everything and see how fast it clears out!

      Though, if you like your mother/step mother perhaps you will give them a chance to collect their things first?

      Like

    1. Hmm, I’m not sure anyone would ever accuse me of being optimistic. If anything, the opposite is true. I tend to look first at the flaws and where things are going wrong. I’m trying to change that. Maybe it’s working? Thank you for noticing my rare moment of positivity. Please tell my mother, or she won’t believe it happened!

      Liked by 1 person

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