I had a weird day. At least, my boob did.
Let me explain.
Today I confirmed my left boob is growing. This was actually reassuring to find out because I thought I was imagining it. I’ve had boobs my entire adult life and, yes, they fluctuated periodically. (Hahahahahah. Only the girls in the room are laughing at this one!) But never have I feared ginormo boob was a problem on my horizon.
After eyeballing my mammary and giving it a jiggle, the lymphedema lady at the Lemmen-Holton Cancer Pavillion gave me a run down of Boob Basic Training exercises that I am to do to prevent any additional boobage, if possible.
“Give yourself a light massage, walk those fingers across the scar area. “ She demonstrated this for me, and added, “Give your boob some love every day!” Or words to that effect.
How long will I have to massage lefty, you ask?
Twice a day.
…for the rest of my natural life.
She advised that I engage in manual manipulation to encourage the lymph glands to drain and exercise to loosen the muscles damaged by the surgery and radiation. In chirpy tone, she added, “Your left boob might get higher and tighter as a result of the same damage.”
This only applies to lefty though.
Righty will remain the same sad clown she’s always been.
Oh, and apparently, the advice they gave me after surgery to ditch my underwire bras was actually meant to be a golden rule and not a temporary adjustment until the scars healed.
“Lose the underwires. Get yourself a really good support bra that will smash the girls flat and keep the lymph fluids from settling in one place.” Lymphedema Lady says.
So, I’m offering a pile of slightly (okay, maybe excessively worn) bras to anyone who wants them.
Warning, the left side cup of all my girly foundational garments might be slightly larger than that the right due to inflation.
Please admire the brassiere of my future:
It’s called The Flex Sportsbra by SheFIt.
Apparently it was made famous by some show called The Shark Tank?
Who knew bras came with their own workout videos?
A final reminder from the Lymphedema Lady:
“Remember! Do a self-exam on the same day every month.”
She suggested the 13th. If it falls on a Friday, you can imagine Jason in his hockey mask coming for revenge of neglected boob love!