Calendar Mom Drops the Holiday Ball

Crass Consumerism Lite Show




Dear All,

I am spending Christmas Day writing cards to friends because, apparently, I am living the holidays backward. And it started off so promising too…

The cookies were baked and frosted in early December…ready to be handed out to teachers and neighbors instead of requiring exhausting shopping jaunts and wrapping to accomplish. Ta dah!

*She gloated and lo’ the gods of irony did take notice.* 

So, of course, the minute I added the last dragée sprinkle, I came down with the worst bubonic nasal funk, like, EVER. I didn’t dare hand out the frosted ones out to anyone…I liked.

We’ve been eating them all in lieu of chicken soup. (Note: I make something like 100 cookies each season.)


Cookies 2017
Over-sprinkle much?


As a result of the plague, all shopping was done last minute. Like on Saturday, or as I was calling itthe Eve of Christmas.

I gritted my teeth and plowed through the tinsel strewn madness in a frantic bid not to throttle my fellow man–just so I’d have presents to hand out at the family gathering.*

I stayed up all night Saturday wrapping the last-minute what-nots decorated with frills and furbelows and wondering why BBC America wasn’t showing the much-awaited Dr. Who Christmas special.

*A clue, she has not.*

Dizzy with a stuffy head, thrown by the fact I work from home and days are marked by whether I have to shove my kid on a bus or not, things are spectacularly wonky. Festivities happen in spastic fits and starts if they happen at all. To be perfectly blunt, I’m off! In fact, I am so off in my order of traditional holiday crapola, that we celebrated early.

LIKE…a DAY early.

I woke Sunday thinking that it was Monday because I saw a mail van delivering to the house next door. So, Santa came early. I made the traditional pop-n-fresh, cinnamon rolls from a Pillsbury can baked into the shape of a lumpy Christmas tree the way my mom always made for us when we were kids. My son happily opened his giant tube of popcorn and his Orville Redenbacher fun-fun air popper.

It is only after the morning is gone and all the presents are opened that I realize…oh, wait. It’s only the 24th.

Christmas Comes Early - Cinnamon Roll Tree
No…his shirt says “PUCK”…though I understand why you might be confused.


So, here we are, December 25th with nothing to celebrate. The snowy day precludes the emergency ‘road trip’ that I blankly promised my son yesterday with the caveat “If the weather is good.”**

And we woke to this…

Old Man Winter
Neon depiction of actual weather event – The Old Man Winter Blow-Out White Sale!


This wouldn’t be so all-fired tragic if it weren’t for the irony of it all.

My kid, the Calendar King, said NOT ONE WORD about the fact mommy was off by a day.***  I guess all kids dreams of Christmas coming early. This does explain the kind of puzzled looks he kept giving me when I told him to keep opening his presents though…

So, Happy Holidays to everyone… and I might as well wish you Happy New Year. I’ll be with you in spirit/s next Saturday as we toast farewell to 2017!  Because who in their right mind would put New Years on a Sunday of all things! Am I right?

Asterisk Bedazzled Footnotes:

*I was shocked to find other people shopping and leaving me with no place to park but the butt-end of the parking lot. Seriously, why weren’t they all home with their families and snug in their beds?

**Note: all weather is good weather for travel according to my son. The roads could be melting with lava, hail could be denting the roof and Pteradactyls might be making a bid to return from the primordial ooze from which they sprung and he’d still say, “Car ride?”

***Yeah yeah. I know. Non-verbal autistic. But he could have pointed to a calendar or something!


30 thoughts on “Calendar Mom Drops the Holiday Ball

    1. I may have made it too much about the cookies this year. I actually kinda lost the taste for them after the first dozen or so. No worries, taking a day off helped. I’ll never totally give up my love of frosted, sprinkle-bedecked gingerbread.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Really? But you probably waited until it was the “Eve” part of the day. Celebrating at 8:00 a.m. kinda took the starch out of the rest of the day’s celebrations. The child survived though. He was right back at asking for more ‘markers’ and ‘paper’ without breaking his stride, like the champ he is.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Celebrating the continental way. Nothing wrong with that, I say! As a fellow home-based worker, I totally empathise. I sometimes have to check/remind myself what day it is before I get up – just to be sure!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The weird thing? I realized a few days after the holiday that my phone is actually OFF on the days of the holidays. It said New Years was yesterday. So, in all likelihood, if I had looked at my phone and just read the label associated with the day, I would have got it wrong. Thinking, “Christmas Eve falls on the 23rd this year? Oh, okay.”


    1. Sadly, I am just as likely to repeat mistakes as I am to avoid them. I have a long, slow learning curve that leads off major roads, down an embankment, past prairie dog towns and into the wasteland of my imaginings. It sounds scenic, but mostly it leaves one scratching one’s head and feeling lost all the time.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Aww, thank you. Now please teach my poor child how to say that! Right now he’s stuck on the phrase “Car ride” and “Exit 59.” In this weather, I’d much rather have the love than the highway traffic in icy conditions.


      1. I don’t know. I have tried Kindle products with him. But he doesn’t like games. The only thing he likes is Google maps and finding highway images using the special feature that turns it from map to real-life. However, he has also destroyed several iPhones, iPads, and various other devices in fits of rage. I can’t afford to give him access any more.


      2. He has only shown interest in the kind that look like you are taking a roller coaster ride, and that was when he was very little. He has such a narrow range of interests…unless he is left unsupervised and then he discovers all sorts of fascinating things to get into. (He’s upstairs making some weird kind of noises and shutting and opening all kinds of doors. That can’t be good. Sigh. Check back in a while to see what fun-fun reports I post after investigating the imp.) Cheers.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh my goodness, thank you for letting me laugh at you! I feel similarly, though. Like, at the store today, lil one asked for sparkle juice and I was all, “Not yet” and she said, “Mama, tomorrow is the day!”
    Oh. Yeah.
    And who can keep the days straight when they’re sick?!? So hope you have a happy new year!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Now I want sparkle juice too! Even if it is an indulgence, that is a lovely way to celebrate the New Year with kids!

      Thank you for being a constant in my tiny universe. I’ve appreciated all your thoughtful comments, even if I fail to acknowledge them properly or at all! I hope your blogging brings as much joy as you give.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh thank you, that’s very kind 🙂 You’re one of the ones I save for last, to savor. Sometimes you really turn a phrase perfectly, and I appreciate always your candor and your spirit!

        Liked by 1 person

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